Sunday, September 21, 2008

The Granny Next Door

"Ma, what will you do there ? You will catch cold. Relax at home and keep yourself busy in pooja".

This is the daily scene of my neighbours in India.

The Dadi (granny) has her own room where she spends her whole day. She is not allowed to meet the high profile guests. She does not accompany her family to 5 star hotel dinners and expensive malls.

My parents tell me that when Dadi was young she never thought twice before spending any amount to meet her children's needs. She was very fond of wearing bright clothes and loved to be around among the people.
When I visit her, I still find her very observant and intelligent. But it pains me to see that her own family avoids talking to her and she is mostly by herself. And also she is mostly subject to a host of instructions like do's and don'ts. I kiss and hug her a lot and she gets very happy and cheerful, while the whole family gives me odd looks. But I don't care and they dare not say anything to me.
Not that they are bad but they probably feel that dadi has no other human needs than food, clothes, medicines or sleep.That she needs good company to talk to, needs to go out to parks, shopping or just spending weekends with friends and relatives.

Are we so busy in our life not to take out a few minutes for our older people or have we become simply insensitive ?

29 comments:

HOBO said...

This is reality.
In coming future we also will face loneliness when we are old and more such things will happen to us too.
Time changed may be and people too.

Arv said...

it is really unfortunate that family values are fading away in pursuit of illusive success.

No modern technology or money or whatever can substitute the good old family love. :)

Hope the next generation wakes up soon to realise it.

Nice insightful post. Thanks Sneha.

Have a nice Monday... Cheers...

Harshita said...

Yes, we have become plain insensitive to older generation.

My grandfather's elder sister whom we call Maaji, stays in the posh area of delhi.

She raised her children with her strong will and hard-work when her husband died early...She has given them everything they asked for..To sum up, she is the one who is responsible for who they are...standing at 90-plus years of age she is still a strong woman...

And If I mention how she is treated...ahum! She is asked to stay at 1st floor in the BIIIIG house...

A maid comes and gives her 2 rotis in a day and a cup of tea...Therez a window in the room frm where she sees the rising sun...

Her son hardly meets her...They are richest people in Delhi...but ahum! only in terms of money...

My dad is really close to Maaji so he usually brings her home for a month or so and she loves it here...but after a month she wants to be back in delhi.

Maaji is still adamant that she wants to spend the last few years fo her life at a place where she has seen it all...and Dad constantly keeps emotionally blackmailing her to come and stay with us.

But she is not ready to...

I feel miserable when I see her. All I do is pray for her and for the people who have treated her so insensitively...

I feel Yucks! abt them...

Kudos! you brought it up :)

dreamer said...

Treat others as you would like to others to treat you..........should be the motto of every person.

The Story Teller said...

good old tradiotn of family love is whats missing...i mean not even once a week..i have had usch neighbours too...she used to look sad sitting all alone in the balcony...and no parties fo rher as well

Nidhi said...

M attached to my grand dad .. Cant c him in pain.. no body talks to him much.. some act of his has broken heart of my dad mon and sis but i still love him afta all he's my fathers father.. a reason y i m in this earth. tha old ppl need more attention and love..

Nidhi said...

i read Harshita's comment.. so angry on ppl who treat their own parents tht way.. hw can they forget tht they are in this world cuz of their parents and they r who they are cuz of their parents. hw can younger generation be so insensitive???

Toonfactory said...

Hmmmm....painful yet true...Grandparents are the most neglected people in todays Daud Bhaag Bhari life...sometimes because of generation gap..sometimes the 'who cares' attitude. Thankfully I have fond memories of my late grand parents and their beautiful stories and folk songs...

Aswani said...

Touching post again as expected from you. Well, what you have expressed here in your post is something which also has been worrying me a lot in recent times. Being myself a very emotional and caring person, I think it can happen to anyone. It can happen to my parents. It can happen to me also. Better be prepared for everything.

My grandparents are no more with us now. But honestly speaking, it was not exactly the same way as its happening to your granny now. Reason my dad himself has been a very caring and emotional. He really cared for his parents. So, what I feel is that it all comes to what you think and how you take the things. Old age people are suffering just because of the growing generation gap and also due to rapid commercialization of each and everything. Until and unless, we get out of these things, we cannot hope for good and healthy family relationships and values.

Buzzz said...

Good write up and good blog. You mind if i add you up ?

Off the cuff said...

It may sound a bit filmy but Jadu ki Jhappi kaam to karti hai (It may sound weird but the magic of Hug works).

Abhinav Agrawal said...

nice n thotful post once again. I dnt knw how it works as i have never seen my granFolks n i really dnt knw what happens in families with old people.

but wat u say if its true its really pathetic and and sad.

Rushabhh Gandhi said...

Very caring.....
It is very hard for people to share love with people who are not directly attached to us.....
Its true..... If everyone cared for them then i dont think we would be having something called an 'Old Age Home'

vemuri said...

hhmmmmm even i had the same experience .. its really frustating to see old people...

Krishna said...

We are living in a strange world today. We've telephone, fax, email, chat, and whole lot of things to get instantly connected with our dear ones, and still we can't spare a min to talk to the next-door neighbour. We'll be busy playing video games and not forgetting to catch those silly saas bahu serials, but we can't find some time to listen to our grand-olds. U really are a compassionate person. And gud to know you still care for your dadi. :)

Sneha said...

@Hobo
I respect your opinion, though I don't fully agree with that.
@Arv
That's true mate. Very soon the new generation would realize that this loneliness is of their own making and would correct themselves.

Sneha said...

@ harshita,dreammer,nidhi aswani

yes, I have seen this happen in many families around me which is very sad.
But I am sure the situation will correct itself as people have begun to realize what they have brought on themself.:)
Have a nice day.

Sneha said...

Hi story teller
welcome to my blog
have a nice day.

Sneha said...

Hi raushabh
Thanks for visiting my blog.
@ toonfactory,vemuri
Thanks for visiting.
have a nice day.:)
@

Sneha said...

Hi Rahul,
Bilkul bhi filmi nahi hai.
jadu ki zhapi kaam karti hai.
have a nice day.

Sneha said...

@Abhinav
I can happily concede that there are many families where the old folks
are treated very well and even pampered.:)

Sneha said...

Hi Buzzz
Thanks for the compliment and certainly you can add me up.:)
Keep writing.
keep visiting.
keep smiling.:)

Sneha said...

Hi Krishna
I think this age of fast communication has moved people out of reality into a virtual world where people have developed a fondness for things that are virtual and not real.
Thanks for the appreciation.
have a nice day.

Buzzz said...

hey nice template :) thanks for addin me up. Me too added you up :)

Punam said...

Hi Sneha, I agree with you. It's really sad that many elders have to face this. One thing we all must remember is that the circle of life starts and ends at the same place. When we treat our elders well, we will be treated well in our old age too.
But this basic fact of life is forgotten my many. I respect your thoughts and your values, for I am from the same school of thinking too. Here is the link of one of my first blog posts that dealt with a similar issue:
http://punamjr.blogspot.com/2007/11/why-are-old-age-homes-sprouting-up.html

Take care, Punam

Kartz said...

Sad, indeed...

I wont be surprised if such behaviour affects the progeny as well. Children are mirror images of their parents.

Good 'un. Peace.

foreternalbliss said...

hi sneha
the point is that we have actually becume so much greedy for ourselves that we 'sumtimes' lost that true feeling for our old people that u exactly shared...and when that 'sumtimes' becums incessant, we start deteriorating ourselves in neglecting those who make us a reality .......
nyways sensible blog....keep writing!
rishabh!

Sneha said...

Hi punam
I agree with you.:)
have a nice day.

Sneha said...

@ Kartz and Rishabh
Thanks for visiting by my blog.
i also tend to believe that this type of behavior is passed on to the future generation and leads to erosion of family values.This is what is called "sanskar" in hindi.:)